Marriage Myths Debunked: The 95%/5% Work/Joy Ratio

Statistics are useful, functional, but sometimes they’re just…wrong! When I hear speakers, pastors and preachers state that marriage is 95% work and 5% joy I wonder what type of dysfunctional relationships they are referencing. With those type of numbers who would even consider marriage for a minute much less a lifetime? There are likely three reasons that people enter into relationships of this kind, the money, the sex or the status.

Lets face it, this economy is painful. I remember walking into jobs and being hired on the spot. Those days are over. For every three hundred jobs applied for you get 3 interviews and still might not get hired. I get it. Marriage is known for financial benefits for the parties involved. But, marriage isn’t a financial agreement between two people. Marriage involves your entire person, your mind, body and soul, not just your bank account. Yes, finances play a crucial role as to the quality of your married life and whether you will bicker about money or bask in financial bliss. But a marriage based on finances will add to the 95% work statistic.

Ahh, the joys of..SEX. Sex is a wonderful thing between a married couple. It is like the icing on a delicious cake. But, icing isn’t the main dish, it serves to enhance the cake. Many couples enter into a life-long relationship with the shaky foundation of sexual attraction. It’s like trying to drive a car a long distance on fumes, you’ll never make it to your destination. Sex isn’t designed to sustain a relationship. It is a form of communication that fosters intimacy, but it is only one part of the equation. You need a three part connection (mind, body and soul) for your relationship to stand. Just as a table needs at least three legs to stand, so does a marriage. If you treat sex as the main ingredient you will end up in the 5% joy category.

One of the most insidious reasons people marry for is status. I cannot count the number of times I’ve seen women compete when it comes to getting to the altar. Whether it's between sisters or close friends, the question of who's going to make it to marriage first is of Olympic proportions. I get it, marriage is a status builder but upon it a marriage you cannot build. Ultimately, getting married for any of these reasons will not only create a weak marriage, it will almost guarantee that you will have one that's made up of more work than joy.